Life is Being Ridiculous.

We try to avoid the 4th of July in our house as fireworks are one of the biggest triggers for Jake's PTSD. Last year in Idaho they shot them off right across from our house which made them ridiculously loud but at least I got to watch a few out the window. This year, since I'm still sick, I just laid on the couch and listened to them. Jake wore headphones with the music cranked way up and played video games, like every 4th. My mom is making some kind of either macaroni or potato salad tonight so at least we won't miss out on the best part of the 4th of July - the food.

I have a strained relationship with the 4th of July. On one hand, it's supposed to be a celebration of our freedom and the fact that freedom meant so much to us that we were willing to fight for it. On the other hand, there are thousands of people out there like Jake, who were in the military and did follow orders into war for this country, who view the 4th of July as the worst day of the year because it reduces them to hysterics. Jake says it gets worse for him every year and this year he felt like digging a foxhole and jumping into it. It doesn't help that people shoot fireworks well before and after the actual 4th. He's basically a prisoner in the house for weeks because if he's outside and hears fireworks, he drops to the ground in a panic, thinking he's being attacked.

As mentioned above, I am still ill. My head feels a little clearer everyday but my stomach is still in a lot of pain and I still feel weak and exhausted. On facebook I likened myself to Frodo Baggins in Return of the King. I'm wimpy, pathetic, and can barely walk on my own. It's ridiculous. My doctor is out of the country so I went and saw a very nice but not very thorough doctor on call who never called me back with test results. Then my mom took me to the ER because 10 days with a temperature and not eating is really bad. After insinuating I was on drugs and then taking my blood and finding that I'm not, they decided I probably just have a virus and have to wait it out. They also told me to check back with my regular doctor because I might have peptic ulcers. They told me to get Prilosec and to eat anything I can manage, even if it's pizza and soda for every meal because I need to stop losing weight. All I've managed to eat the past couple of days was a cucumber, half a baked potato, half a cup of veggie broth, some saltines and water. I'm so frustrated with being sick. I want to be back to my old self.