On Being Grown Up.

15 year old me is the one with the pink hair

I've been home for exactly one week and yesterday I had my first encounter with someone from my past. I was at the grocery store and as I walked to my car, I heard someone at the next car ask, "Jordan, is that you?" The sun was glaring in my eyes and as I couldn't see who she was, she identified herself. It was my high school guidance counselor. Let me say right out that I loved this lady. I know of a lot of people who felt like their high school guidance counselor was a joke but mine was amazing. She was encouraging, didn't beat around the bush, took the time to get to know her students, and was all around awesome.

We only visited for a brief moment as we were in a parking lot and the wind was howling, as it tends to do on the Oregon coast. She said something along the lines of, "So you're still in the bay?" and I instantly felt a little pang somewhere inside of me. I explained that I had just moved back to be near my dad as he's getting older and has had a lot of health concerns this past year. Still though, I felt like I should have accomplished more, I should have graduated from college by now, I should be doing something amazing, and I'm not. Now, I know she didn't mean it like that at all, and that I was reading too far into it, but I couldn't help myself.

As I drove away I began to think about how I have yet to graduate from college even though I only have about 1 more year of classes to earn my Bachelor's degree. I do have plans to someday graduate, it's just not on my radar right now. College used to be my entire life but in the past few years, I've come to realize that what I was studying will not really help me in the lifestyle I want to live and I can't justify the costs of college right now. My entire set of goals has shifted.

Right now, I want to be with my family. My dad is still fairly healthy, but I have noticed in the past two years, he's had an increase in medical issues. You have to remember, my dad is older than those of most of my peers, he's 76 years old already, and I'll probably lose my dad before a lot of my friends will. So I want to be here. Being with my family and college aren't mutually exclusive, but I'm at the point where I wish I had all the money that I spent on college so I could use it to help fund my hobby farm dream, or my move to Canada dream.

Even though I have yet to earn my degree, I think my high school guidance counselor would be proud of me because all she ever wanted for all of us kids was to be happy, which I am. She wanted us to learn, to grow, and to turn into awesome adults. I don't know that I've accomplished all of that, but I sure am trying. I'm slowly fulfilling my dreams, even if they aren't necessarily the traditional ones.